When Jada Pinkett and Will Smith tied the knot on December 31, 1997 — New Year’s Eve — it was before 100 guests at an 8 p.m. ceremony followed by a reception at historic Medieval-style Cloisters Castle on the outskirts of Baltimore.
To avoid unwanted attention, no invitations were sent. On the morning of the wedding, guests — accommodated at two luxury local hotels — received sealed envelopes with directions for the drivers of a fleet of 35 limos hired for the occasion. Before they were pronounced man and wife, the couple read love letters to each other.
At a reception, the buffet included poached salmon and smoked turkey. A three-tier wedding cake served for dessert was part Lady Baltimore. See Epicurious’s online recipe for Lady Baltimore cake here. Meanwhile, a DJ spun dance music and guests partied until around 1 a.m., when the newlyweds retreated to a rented condo overlooking the harbor. Next morning, they left for a three-day honeymoon in Miami.
When Heidi Klum and Seal married in May 2005, it was at a private ceremony — only Klum’s 1-year-old daughter and the person marrying them were there — on a private beach near Seal’s four bedroom villa at Costa Careyes in Mexico. During the ceremony, Seal serenaded his bride with a song he’d written for the occasion. Afterward they partied at the villa with 40 guests. A wedding cake was topped with a miniature of Klum and Seal in wedding attire.
Since then, Klum and Seal have renewed their wedding vows every year on the same beach. Klum recently told Redbook magazine that, “It’s about remembering this moment of love we gave to each other and reinforcing it.”
When Jay-Z and Beyoncé wed in April 2008, it was at a secret New York ceremony that Jay-Z squeezed into his tour schedule. A week later, they escaped for a couple of days to the Sanctuary Camelback Mountain Resort in the Arizona desert.
Alicia Keys and producer/rapper Swizz Beatz had their marriage blessed in South Africa at a traditional Zulu ceremony in June 2010. They officially tied the knot the following month on the Mediterranean island of Corsica. The pair honeymooned — along with a handful of invited guests, including Queen Latifah — aboard a three-storied luxury yacht that moored at resorts along the French and Italian coastline. During the honeymoon, Beatz took time out to party with friends at the luxury seaside resort of Porto Cervo in northern Sardinia.
Different strokes, but a common thread: Each couple all did it their way.
What is your idea of a blissful wedding? I have known people to buy books on wedding etiquette, convinced, it seems, that they have to follow set rules. “Who says?” I always want to ask them. “And whose rules?” Sure, if there is a guidebook with a blueprint for a wedding that fits a fantasy, go for it.
But there are so many options.
When I got married, my wedding was pretty conventional in that it was in a church (at night); I dressed in white (my mum made the dress, I made the veil); and we had a reception (a party for friends and not too many family members with loud music, dancing, and a DJ). I asked a school friend to be my bridesmaid. I asked the daughter of my mum’s flower girl, from way back when my mum married my dad, to be my flower girl. She was almost four at the time and stole the show. The wedding was in South Africa.
Much later my flower girl, Sherry Smulders, all grown up and having discovered skiing, snowboarding, rock climbing and mountain biking, moved to Squaw Valley near Tahoe in California. In May 2004, when she married her husband, ski legend Shane McConkey, it was on a beach in Thailand.
McConkey, a Red Bull–sponsored extreme skier (he preferred the term “free skier”), died in a freak accident in March 2009 while being filmed base jumping (skiing off a cliff with a parachute) in the Dolomite Mountains in Italy for a movie sponsored in part by Red Bull.
McConkey left behind Smulders-McConkey and their daughter, Ayla.
One of Smulders-McConkey’s most treasured memories — and one she can share with many of their friends — is that they did their wedding “their way.” “When we decided to get married, Shane and I talked about how we wanted to do it. We had lot of friends we loved, and we wanted to share our love with our friends. Spending a whole lot of money having a huge traditional wedding, paying a printer for invitations and things, didn’t seem special enough. It would have been wasting money, as far as I was concerned.
“So we decided we would get married either in Mexico or somewhere really exotic. We’d been to Thailand a couple of times and thought, why not? On the beach.”
Smulders-McConkey and a girlfriend flew to Thailand to see what they could organize at Railay Beach, a gorgeous place with sublime turquoise sea and great rock climbing.
“I measured for a dress in Bangkok. I’d say it was more beach-y than wedding-y, but with a veil, and it cost about $100. When I went to pick up, it looked really bad and I thought of not wearing it, but then decided that really, it was fun and it was fine. Besides, I was more interested in (rock) climbing than looking for another dress.”
The bridesmaids wore sarongs, little tank tops and bare feet, decorated with beads that her mum brought from South Africa. “We invited about 250 people and 101 came. The wedding was on the beach right in front of a Thai restaurant that did the food. We stayed at the Sand and Sea resort, in bungalows on the beach.”
Smulders-McConkey says they wanted to keep things simple as possible. “I carried a leaf with my vows written on them. And the place is so naturally beautiful, you didn’t need to add anything.”
“But the Thai people were so excited. They made us a polystyrene stage with our names cut out and they gave me roses to carry when roses are virtually impossible to get in Thailand. Then they cut out this tacky big heart that they wanted me to walk through, so I did.”
“So you had this mixture of the natural beauty of Thailand and the beach and then all this stuff that they integrated, which they presumably saw as Western tradition. It was such fun.” The ceremony was performed by a friend who is part Native American, while dogs running free on the beach played tug of war with
Smulders-McConkey’s veil. “Most people stayed on for two weeks, so there was this great big two-week party.”
“And Shane and I ended up spending $12,000 all in all, which covered my dress, accommodation for the bridesmaids and grooms, the food and even the cost of a couple of people we paid for to get there. Plus trekking in the mountains for our honeymoon.”
She concludes, “I’d love people to stop wasting so much money on weddings. They can do a whole lot of wonderful stuff on a budget.” And you end up with perfect memories that nobody, and nothing, can take away.
Destination weddings, like Sherry and Shane's, are a growing trend. You can do it yourself like they did. But for those interested in an organized affair, choose your favorite country, log onto Google — and get spliced. Try “Get married in Italy,” “Get married in Greece,” “Get married in South Africa,” if you’re really brave, “Get married at an ice hotel.” You might well find the perfect place. On the other hand, you might get a bunch of great ideas and be inspired to put the whole thing together yourself.
Be sure to read: Yours, Mine and Ours: Culinary Traditions to Inspire Wedding Feasts and Fantasies
